The sins of my past are finally reaping their revenge. I’m not cut out for this shit. I just want to go home and sleep for a few days. Fuck my students, fuck my work, fuck my degree. I dont care about it anymore. Its not going to happen. Im not going to graduate. I am not going to go become a productive teacher. I will never get into a Phd program. Every corner I cut every lie I told ever trick I pulled everything I have accomplished through deceit. I have come to the realization that it is payback time. Dave Hubbel once told me everything falls apart after 30. I just didnt believe he meant EVERYTHING.
well it does. and I cant afford to fix any of it.
Yes goddamnit Im in a bad fucking mood.
and Im tired.
Wilbur
PS on a different note, I would like to congradulate Melissa. I knew you were better than UL.
yeah i know… i never expected you to have this bad of a day… thats horrible… but it is also BS that your not cut out for this shit… Remember your getting a paper published in a journal… just remember that… obviously your meant for something like this…
See, I’m not gonna say it’s not so bad. It’s probably very bad. But what I hear is fatigue clouding your judgement. Stick it out, man. Prioritize. If that means prolonging your masters a bit, then do so. The tortoise and the hare and all that junk. I’m not going to be so presumptuous as to assume I know what you’re going through and how to help you through it, but I will say this: I’ve always admired your tenacity. Remember, we started school at the same time and we both’ve had our rough spots. Only one of us has stuck it out to even get this far. And me, I’m kind of back at square one. Maybe. If I’m lucky. But I haven’t given up (and I know you haven’t either–you’re just having a bad day). So get some rest. Do what you gotta do. And yes, there will always be an accounting of our past transgressions. But hopefully, when that time comes, we can get on an installment plan. Ron. And what’s this about being published? I want to read whatever it is. Won’t understand it, but want to read it nonetheless.
Thanks, Wilbur. I appreciate the congrats. However, I also know how brilliant you are. Did you lie your way through your comps? I don’t think so, because we studied together and I very poignantly remember you pulling things out of those readings that I could’ve never seen on my own. Don’t kid yourself. You’ve stumbled a bit in terms of time management, yes, but you certainly ARE cut out for this stuff. Students are frustrating, yes. Your own work can often make you feel like a complete dumbass who bit off more than he can chew (I feel this way all the time). But as I have to tell Phillip Mason time and time again… DON’T GIVE UP. Or I’ll bust in your knee caps 🙂 Mel