First off I think the idea of making a New Year’s resolution is absurd. The declaration that we only wait till the beginning of a year to look at our lives, try to come up with 3-4 areas we could be doing better, make empty promises to ourselves, and tell our loved ones these promises in hopes they will adore us more lacks conviction. I dont need a holiday to bring to light my mistakes and errors and give myself a chance to redeem myself amoung my friends and family. They already know my faults and have decided (for better or worse) that they can live with them as long as I strive to be a decent person where they are concerned, or at least I hope they have. I make empty promises to my family and friends and myself time and time again.
The holiday season already comes to me with a duality of sadness and happiness. I always reflect not only on the happy times I have had throughout my life, but on all the mistakes I have made concerning people I love, including myself. I remember friends that I have forgotten, who wanted nothing more than a letter or note from me and a sharing of lives as we grew older. I should stop myself from telling people to keep in touch. This empty promise I make hurts during these darker months. The Chinese have a saying that more night equates to more dreams. Did they forget dreams include nightmares?
I convinced myself years ago to start having dreams again. I had some how stopped dreaming or at least remembering them. I remember telling myself to dream no matter the consequences. Years of night terrors and waking in a sweat have almost convinced me to ignore my dreams. Should I convince myself that the good dreams hurt also?
I hate having good dreams about old friends I have forgotten. I realize that my influence on most of the people I meet is minimum, but it is still hard to reflect on the people I have betrayed and abandoned.
Needless to say, I am having a hard time sleeping. I had to work a few night audit shifts last week while I was sick. I find myself staring at the television at 4:00 am. Even with satelite, television sucks 90% of the time and at 4:00 am it reeks with an overwhelming sense of neglect.
And Finally, Chomsky. You fucking piece of shit. Why the hell do you do this to me? I respect you more than you deserve. I dont agree with your politics or your theories of language, but you do this to me time and time again. You abandon me and everyone that reads your books into a depraved and hostile society. How the fuck am I suppose to cope with the understanding that Micheal Moore was only 10% correct? That America has been screwing the world and its people from the beginning? That we were never a good society, but only decorated the front lawn nicely? Fuck you, you unemotionalist bastard. You fill me with hatred towards not only my government but also the citizens who allow it to happen. God damnit, I am only human. You cannot bring forth information that your government is corrupt and so are most of the governments that have power and with such definitive detail that our nightmares of the puppet show of government become dreams we hope for. If you do not provide me with some sort of resolution or goal to strive for at the end of this book (Hegemony or Survival), I swear I will cease my relationship with you and politics altogether. I cannot change 200 years of power and money.
Wilbur
PS I was in a better mood.
I made resolutions not to change anything, except my zip code. But that would likely happen anyway. You made a significant impact on my life by suffering with me through Beowulf and comps. There’s more to it than that, but suffice to say, I happen to think that you rock. Really, don’t be so hard on yourself… everyone has faults and if you choose to ignore them, then you’re ignoring half of a person… can’t do that and truly “love” them. I’ve done that thing about keeping in touch with friends, as well. That’s why, I think, I started the blog, because for some absurd reason, it’s easier for me to type something into a computer than to touch numbers on the keypad of a phone. I’ve gotten more emails from people that I haven’t heard from in awhile after I sent them the link and they started reading… this seems to work for me. And you’re right– “the shit” does weigh heavier this time of year.
fucking autologin…
the wilco concert was depressing because of the year we left behind. i was riding in a subway and this homeless person came on and asked for money from anyone, so people ignored him like usual. I take out my wallet thinking i would help but notice i’m dead broke. not a dollar inside… were it a comic little flies would have flown out. disgusted i pondered the irony if i should beg for money to give to this guy… not sure why i put that here.. but there it is… i’m having problems sleeping too… i’ve been doing a great job of subconciously forgeting my dreams.. i.e. never remembering them when i awake… noam chomsky can be depressing. i saw a three hour speech with him talking about how we were a country that has raped the word goodness… by allying ourself with it… disturbing speech… he is also not a lively speaker p.s. watch kinsey
[quote:6fbf4ad6d9]That America has been screwing the world and its people from the beginning? That we were never a good society, but only decorated the front lawn nicely?[/quote:6fbf4ad6d9] it reminds me of this poem i wrote when i was 18. the rest of your post left me with these questions: why does someone who points out how bad things are have to offer an alternative? does not recommending a path for change make observations less true? isn’t there anything to be said for scathing rants? am i just in a bad mood?
[quote:f60f1596f6=”sophia_de_philo”] why does someone who points out how bad things are have to offer an alternative? [/quote:f60f1596f6] because the world isn’t black and white. If you destroy a world view or recognize it’s failings and criticize it, there should be a method of correcting or at least a new method proposed. Socrate’s is pointed out as having this problem. He was great at showing why everyone elses’ positions failed, but rarely did he actually posit a position of his own. Sextus Impericus is another one. He is the great skeptic. He founded skepticism. The problem with skepticism is that in a world of knowing, destroying what we think we know without replacing it is half-hazard. We cannot go around assuming we are brain’s in vats without having a reference for existence. Ok let me put it this way, we live in a positive world and not a negative. Positive meaning existence. We don’t run around listing what doesn’t exist, we normally list what exists because what doesn’t exist is in fact infinite, or at least as near to infinite as humanity can concieve. As such simply pointing out the failures of others is needed but only half of what is needed. If America is in fact a bastion of hell with a nicely decorated pomp and circumstance, then how can we stop this from happening again? It isn’t clear the founding fathers wanted us to be this way. What is more important is where did America exactly go wrong. EVERYONE knows we aren’t doing what we should be doing. In fact the only disagreement are the areas in which we believe we are not doing the things wrong. Some think we should nuke Iraq. Others think we shouldn’t have gone into there at all. I’ve failed to meet a content American who believes the American goverment is doing great and shouldn’t be changed at all. Even staunch conservatives recognize the falling dollar and the lack of international investments. The problems come up with how to fix the problem, not recognizing the problem. i’m done.
I still don’t think it is the responsibility of the person bitching to offer a solution. It doesn’t make their observations any less valid if they don’t. Granted, I probably won’t go out of my way to read such depressing observations unless they are earth-shattering, but still… recognizing the problem is step one.
[quote:0d99e4d2d5]I still don’t think it is the responsibility of the person bitching to offer a solution.[/quote:0d99e4d2d5] I agree. Sometimes a problem is so big, hardly anyone sees it. Someone who can see it has to raise the alarm and bring awareness to the others. Perhaps the person who sees the problem is not the person equipped to solve it. On the other hand, I firmly believe that such a person should at least offer the hope of a solution or a possible direction in which to look for it. Otherwise, you end up with a whole bunch of angry people with a big problem looming and no solution and no direction, which is rarely pretty. Some people will think they understand the problem when they really don’t. They will come up with all kinds of half-assed solutions that cause more harm than good. Other people will exploit the problem for their own selfish and hurtful ends. Still others will just get angry and look for someone to blame, also causing more harm than good. Still other others will get depressed because they don’t know what to do about the problem and would you just look at all these other problems that have been caused in the vicinity of the original problem. I too have been depressed a lot lately. But I am starting to think it’s really just not worth it. All of human history is fraught with the same patterns of behavior. I do what I can – the best I know how. But the world is not my responsibility. That is, I am responsible for what I can do and no more. I don’t have to fret over every single problem I see. I’m just along for the ride. There will never ever be solutions for all the problems, and life still goes on. Why miss out on the good things?
[quote:027c6d8215=”sophia_de_philo”]It doesn’t make their observations any less valid if they don’t. [/quote:027c6d8215] Never said that it did. My problem is his technique not what he says. He is spouting problems that have been known about for a long time. He is arguing against American foreign policy claiming we are a tyranical empire setting up our way of life as mainstay for all the world. At least that is what i saw him preach in a televised interview. His argument has it’s flaws and failings, but is not wholly incorrect. We do tend to act as an empire would act. My statement is that he shouldn’t just preach what is wrong with our nation without positing solutions. His arguments can be applied to capitalistm as a whole i believe. He talked about how corporations control actual nations.