Folks I now live in the swamp. On a daily basis, I greet the rabbits and other nameless critters. Its strange how comfortable I am now at the house. I thought it would be odd to be sleeping in the room my grandmother called her own for so many years. Maybe I’ve been too busy to think about the strangeness. Lot of patching and fixing around to house that had to be done and more that still needs to be done, but slowly the list is getting shorter. Dad has been a tremendous help. I joked that he would ignore my phone calls if I only called to tell him about another problem. I think the drainage problems was the worst. Nothing matches trying to clean out the houses pipes with a waterhose, plumber’s snake, and your bare hands.
Amanda seems to enjoy the place. Slowly, she is turning the place into a home.
David is moving into an apartment with Mary. I laughed when I read on his website, “Finally I will be on my own not dependent on my parents or my brother.” No one trully takes on the world on their own. Without Amanda, my parents and David, I probably would have given up a long time ago. The world is a harsh place.
Elisabeth has returned from Istanbuhl, Turkey. I admire her spirit, but I doubt she understands the danger. Yet, maybe I also hold a certain amount of her stubborness and ignorance as I try to convince Dad why my desire to go to Japan is not a reckless decision.
As I packed up to move, I decided to clean out old boxes and reduce at least somewhat my girth. I starting remembering friends I had forgotten about or havent given thought to for so long. I regret the mistakes and cruelty I’ve shown to people who allowed me to get close. I wish I could go back and apologize to them, but they are gone. As I was skimming through “The Big Kahuna,” I remember this quote from Phil Cooper, played by Danny Devito, “I’m saying you’ve already done plenty of things to regret, you just don’t know what they are. It’s when you discover them, when you see the folly in something you’ve done, and you wish that you had it do over, but you know you can’t, because it’s too late. So you pick that thing up, and carry it with you to remind you that life goes on, the world will spin without you, you really don’t matter in the end. Then you will gain character, because honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself across your face.”