Once again I am pondering the end of the year. I have not sat down at the computer as I did before, because rereading my blogs reminded me that I seem to write only when I am depressed these days. How do I feel today’ I hear this quite often, but I can truly say. Okay. In fact, that has been my reply every time I am asked. Why don’t I say -‘fine’ Well, there are specific reasons.
I am comfortable here in the woods. I enjoy my ride home at night. But the ride is a rather strange one. From 8:00 to 10:00 it is empty. The people that use to travel it so much are not here. Bancker road is absolutely empty. I wonder at time why am I out driving while everyone else is in their homes. The sad part is I have not seen one deer. Only armadillos, skunks, and possums.
I went to the Road Home meeting on October 24th. (This is a program set up to give it citizenry the ability to rebuild their homes and possibly return to their home.) Two weeks after the meeting, a man came to inspect our home. He inspected it and wrote the report up. We had a nice visit with him and he left. But he did inform us that we would not hear anything for at least 2 to 3 months. That was what my advisor said at the time I interviewed. So we sit waiting.
We went on a trip to Odessa for Thanksgiving. We decided to make it a circle returning through Dallas so I could visit Aunt Olga. This was important since Uncle Bud had died on November 3rd. I felt I needed to see how she was doing. When we got to Vernon’s, we had to stay with them. Well, I made the best of it by copying all those pictures I had asked Vernon and Sherry to copy and send me. Now I have pictures of their kids to go in the Bennett book. Steve became sick there and we had to stay an extra day. He had quit smoking before we left, so -….. When we got to Odessa, I was faced with a shock! I guess, Mitzi was right the other shoe dropped. Claudine is not well. It really disturbed me. I knew she sounded unusual on the phone, and I was very worried about her health the entire time I was there. We left there and went to Aunt Olga. This was the bright spot in my travels. Aunt Olga was fine and seemed to adjust well with Pat. I know that Pat will be happier and more relaxed now. If we can say anything good comes out of a death, it is that Aunt Olga can now relax and spend the rest of her life comfortable though lonely. She had worried herself sick about Uncle Bud. She could not relax for fear that something would happen to him and he was so unhappy. Now she knows though she misses him terribly, that he is at rest. We returned and realized that we had worn ourselves out.
School this year is a myriad of complex feelings. When we started, we were disappointed. The atmosphere at this school began on the wrong foot. At our very first meeting the principal put his foot in his mouth for us. He told his teachers that there were way too many referrals for discipline. He said,”He knew we would have problems, but I am surprised with how many in such a short time. But we have to realize that we are working with kids that came from schools that have treated their students with laissez faire!” I saw RED! The nerve to say that because these kids came from a different school, that they had not done their job to reach these children. Well, there were some pissed off Henry teachers to say the least. Then he repeated that there are still too many when he talked in October. But when I heard a teacher telling a child “We don’t care how you behaved at Henry, you won’t behave that way here.” I became very upset. Ms. Mitzi told the Behavior Interventionist leader that I was very upset. She visited me and I preceded to tell her my problem. I explained to her that Mr. Hebert (the principal here is named the same as my old principal) had made the teachers think that they were going to have to treat the children from Henry differently and more strictly than the others because they had not learned how to behave at Henry. Well, I was very disappointed. Do I feel that I got my point across’ Well, I am not sure. But she does ask me how I am every time she sees me. I want to tell her it is not me I am worried about. Because of this atmosphere, most of the teachers from Henry will be leaving. We had it too good at Henry. One teacher told me she does not feel welcome here. She definitely does not have her referrals taken care of. I think he is afraid that he will look bad if he has to send a child home. I don’t know what he thought he was getting. Our children are definitely not angels, but for the most part are not devils either. He should move to New Iberia. Then he would know what is bad. What really surprises me is that there are too many young teachers and some clueless older teachers who have never worked with truly at risk kids. On Wednesday, a down syndrome child in first grade said, “Bitch, do my work.” What was their reaction’ Send for the ‘boogey’ man. (For those out there that don’t know. The ‘boogey man’ is not the principal. He is a man hired because his mother is a teacher and he is hired as a paraprofessional. He used to be a wrestler. He is now part of the Behavior Intervention Team. By the way, no one is scared of the principal.) Well, he stood there towering over the little child and fussed at her. She looked up at him like “What are you talking about’ And who are you'” More than likely she did not truly understand what she had said and done. I am sure she realized it was something that would draw attention to her, but really could not decide that it was bad. I will be surprised if the parent does not come back and talk to the principal. For one time, I would say he has every right to. They handled it completely wrong. I need to see what I can do about not working. I know that it will be hard, but I don’t know if I want to teach here next year. All of the classroom teachers said that they would not return next year. A miracle would have to occur. One lady said, the minute she walked into Henry she had felt wanted and appreciated. She does not feel that here.
My reading groups are fun though. I have enjoyed each and every one of them. Oh, I have to fuss at some, but I was lucky to get good kids. Or at least kids that mind me. I will miss them and worry that next semester I may not be as lucky.
So as the year ends, we ponder what will tomorrow bring. I haven’t the slightest idea and I will not predict nor expect anything good or bad. Why’ Because I am scared to wish. I am alright right now and hope that I will be alright at the end of 2007,