what do you think compels me..
I was about to step outside for a while.. go for a walk.. when i sat at the computer and looked through my bookmarks… i saw it there… it has been a while.. i’m not sure why i bookmarked the page.
I’m facinated with suicide. (Do not worry mom and dad if you are reading this it isn’t that i’m concerned for myself.) I’m fascinated with people who go that next step. What pushes them overboard? What exactly happens to make an individual take that step from contemplation to action?
I remember reading an essay, and i’m positive i’ve told you about this in passing. The essay is called Sysiphous. It was written by Albert Camus. He is one of my favorite philisophical writers. He argues that with the ‘death’ of God, which is without question the only explanation about life in this world, the most important question to answer is “Why not comit suicide?” I think it is drastic but it has relevance.
Anyway, so as i was mindlessly clicking on my links i run across the link to Michael Buonauro’s blog. It is an eery creation. It is the last words he has shared with the world about his life. I leave this link sprawled across the textbase with hope you will take a moment and see his writing.
I warn you, this might disturb you…
http://www.livejournal.com/users/mbuonauro/
He was very talented, but that doesn’t matter now.
ok i’m off for my walk…
December 4th, 2004 at 5:40 am
who is michael buonauro? i am scared to look at his blog, because you warned that it might be disturbing. i will wait to look at it until after you tell me why it is. i had a good time at d&d tonight. tried to call you when it was over. haven’t been able to get in touch. hope everything is ok. please feel free to call me tonight if you are still up. i can’t wait for christmas.
December 4th, 2004 at 10:25 pm
funny thing is… if you look at the older posts, nothing is really that disturbing. Only until later– and then it moves from blowing off steam (it seems), and suddenly, bam, prescriptions to people for living a better life. Maybe you think about this issue because you’re so prone to examining thoughts, motivations, logic. In a purely philosophical sense, I mean. Or maybe in not-so-purely a philosophical sense. I think about it because I lost someone that way when I was very young… someone very important to me. The “why” never stops, but it has grown into what you mentioned about taking the actual step from contemplation to execution. It goes back to curiosity and interrogation… that wanting to understand, no matter how morbid or disturbing the subject matter is. I think. Mel
December 5th, 2004 at 11:49 pm
at least i believe that is the truth behind my responses… It is true that i lost an acquaintance of mine not to long ago due to suicide… i attribute it to the study of philosophy… It seems that the people who study philosophy end up having psychological failures down the road… Last semester in a class that began with 11 people, closed out with 5 people at the end of the year. All that were left were me, Michael Schnaars, Lawrance, a young woman and a man who was in the english graduate school at the time. Trey knows him. The rest of the class vanished. This isn’t surprising except that one individual had a doctor’s excuse for apparently suffering traumatic depression, and another student claims to have gone certifiable during the process of the final. What class was this you ask? Epistemology. Of course this is all circumstantial evidence. Learning that what we know, is really nothing close to truth might have no possible effect on their stability as individuals. Of course it might have a causal relationship. Dr. Berkeley has the story of the individual who stood up during his final and screamed, “I’m a carrot, and carrots don’t do philosophy, ha HA!” He then ran screaming from the hall of the university. John Stuart Mill went insane during his early 20s, it was the result of a nervous breakdown. Of course this is after an astonishing list of accomplishments.