I know… I know… My silence here has been resounding. Here is the thing. I got back from my trip home and Mary was in “writer” mode. This means any and all computer time requested on the docket was met with intense scrutiny and almost automatic denial. So, while the silence was perpetuated on the board/diary/electronic page, my life was anything but silent.

A few more heated discussions occured between me and UPS. UPS can be a stingy uncaring bitch, or i should say UPS’s representation. I got my settlement reward, and sometime next week i will be recieving my computer via ………………………… UPS. Dell couldn’t change their carrier no matter what i argued. So i might get a computer, or a box full of brand new broken parts. Not sure yet what will happen. I’m not getting my hopes up.

Work isn’t going so well. Apparently what was percieved as a victory in the begining has really kind of turned around and bit me on the ass. This is not to say that I did not forsee this occurence, but in the end i had hoped the world would prove more pleasant. If you tell a selfish egotistical person to stop treating you as though you killed their dog, then they take offense. I was only hoping it would fix itself, and it has yet. So i’m currently looking for alternative employment. This doesn’t mean that i’ve quit/been fired/laid off, this simply means i want to leave this company as fast as possible. What makes it more annoying is that i am not really pleased with the work itself. It is an accounting department. I dislike accounting, and what is more important is i dislike the lawfirm i’m working for. I’m helping big corporations lower the settlements on cases so that the victims of corporate neglect don’t get the correct compensation.

Sure i’m also helping the corporations pay less money to people who are looking to “rob” or “screw” corporations out of money the victim’s don’t diserve. Either way, both interpretations take on a view of the world that i’m not pleased to be working with. I’d like to be helping a noble cause in some way shape or form. I hope something comes up.

something. Hell i’d do accounting for an organization that i believe in and enjoy the fuck out of it. I would feel like i was apart of something bigger that i believed in.

yes well back to the drawing board.

I’m discusted about our country’s political stature. i’m also very tired so i will neglect the rambling. I fly home tomorrow. Yes, i call new jersey home. It is a strange phrase for me, but this place is not where home is anymore. I have created a little place with Mary and i feel comfortable there. I feel uncomfortable here, to say the least. Seeing family and friends had to be one of the best experiences possible, but next time i have some time off, i would like to spend it with Mary doing something together. I would also enjoy saving some money, that would be nice.

I spent a lot of money. oh well, tomorrow i fly home.

I have a favor to ask you Mary, as i think you will probably read this. I would really like it if you picked me up from the airport. I know you don’t want to fight traffic, i’m willing to wait till 7:00 for you to come pick me up. I just don’t feel like going through rush hour- subway/path train traffic and then there are the random searches in the subways. If i go in with my bags i know i will be searched, and i’d rather not. Call/message me and tell me no before hand, and if yes tell me still.

I loved visiting with my family, my dad seems to be doing very well. He stopped smoking. Mom is doing very well, and she seems to be exceptionally pleased with my stability in NYC. I’m not teaching in a school that is needy so i think i succeeded in fulfilling her desires.

Visiting with WDuluoz has to have been one of the major highlights of my trip down here. I love him so much, and i envy so many different things that he has. I see the hardships he must endure, and hope he understands that i will always be there for him. I also realize how much he has been there for me. I look forward to November when he comes to NYC and I can try and finish talking him into moving up there. He showed me his integration program, and i poked around on his computer seeing it all. It is astounding what he has done with happypoet. I only hope it fulfills his desires. He certainly has given me a home here, and i appretiate that.

I met with Snaars and enjoyed every moment. We brought debates from his blog into reality, and discussed our own interpretations of certain philosophical implications. I miss that. I miss having such a long discussion that it covers archs and pathways that in the end we are fully lost in the idea. We covered memes, religion, atheism, politics, witgenstein, etc. Our conversation was a living organism. In the end we talked about work. We talked about how much certain traits in employers suck. I bitched, and he bitched.

Today i spent time with Ronnie. Man his life is going really good. He did excellent on his classes, and he has decided to maintain his previous credits. He is going to graduate in a set of classes that he will be doing very well monetarily. He is doing ok financially. His family is nearby. I mean after talking to him, i keep thinking that somewhere someone is having a shitty life, because his dark cloud has move on.

I also spent time with Grayden. My only regret is that i had wished i’d have spent more time with him during the day. I was really tired, and as such i was probably a horrible guest. I felt sluggish. We talked politics, about the past, and even about the future. It was a discourse on a lot of subjects over a good chunk of time. I faded out at some points. I was seriously wiped out. I’m still wiped out.

I just wanted to finish this… i needed to finish this. Tomorrow i fly home. I fly home to Mary. I do in fact miss Mary a great deal.

Wish i could have talked to her tonight.