Little Black Book

and so this message will be short… good news.. i talked to Mike last night and he said that it would be possible for me to sleep on their floor….

don’t need money for a hotel room so thats nice… the trip is going to be really cheap…

ok i’m done…

Today is going to be rough…

i will first study for the test in History,
i will add comments on this woman’s paper for my Nietzsche class
i will have to run around looking for boxes…
–which reminds me… trey… do you have any boxes you don’t need? Mary is in
–need of boxes to pack up her stuff.. and there is a lot of stuff so any boxes you
–can spare would be appretiated…
i will finish a rough draft of my Nietzsche paper to hand out tomorrow
i will begin on my anthropology paper

And i think that is it… . wow.. it is a lot…

in conclusion… I feel really bad still… i feel like i have a permanent hangover… or at least what i think feels like a permanent hang over.. i think it is my sinuses out of whack… but i am groggy and there is a tracer effect when i move my head… serious vertigo at times… my throat kind of hurts also…

i’ve been drinking a lot of orange juice and a lot of water lately… interesting enough… cutting back on the DP because i can’t really afford to buy any…

p.s. do you notice how early this is? there are reasons this is so early…
1) i had serious nightmares last night
2) i feel bad so i kept getting up to get water/oj and finally said fuck it i’m awake…

I’m a severe romantic… i always have been… It is the one area in my life i have swore to never question… logic can do a lot of things.. destroy gods… debase moral theories… destroy works of art… create new languages…

I want to remain idealistic about life… the details? yeah destroy the details.. god, government, even the self…. these i can understand and i applaud… but destroying love is about the most self-defeating thing logic could possibly do… sure we can break love down chemically and evaluate our actions… you have so much of a heart rate when you look in her eyes… your body produces sweat when you see her come near… you like it when she whispers how much she loves you in your ear…. you can break that down even to specific feelings, like the sensitivity of the earlobe and how the wind in effect makes your ear feel stimulated….

But all that is bullshit… it is mechanical… and i’ll have no part of it.. i define consciousness as being conscious “of” and i define being conscious as nothing. this is pure Sarte. You can break existence down and define things…. but it is only after it is all said and done that you have to come up with a theory binding it all together… and however much i agree you can’t be certain about anything.. i also agree love is something i’m certain i enjoy the hell out of..

so the question is… can love be defined?
sure i’m positive it can, but do i want to define love? nope..

Begining the countdown till Mary arrives. I should delete the post i made last night, but i also said that i wouldn’t delete posts when i started this thing a long time ago… needless to say my brain is still schitzo at this point…

not sure what is wrong with me… I leave work soon… i cannot wait… it will be nice to go home and not have to come back for a long time…

Mom and I are thinking about going to Houston not this weekend coming up but the weekend after. The Renaisance Fair is closing that weekend. I might see if i can get in touch with my cousin Mike and maybe we can say hello or something.

I am also going to be finishing up my argument tonight. I am of course speaking of the argument for Nietzsche. It isn’t monumental. I’m enjoying it none-the-less. I’m also going to have to meet with my professor most of next week to try and piece together responses to my argument.

Oh did i mention Mary is coming down this coming weekend? Thursday in fact… she is staying till Sunday Morning. Fun will be had. It is a shame she isn’t staying longer but she cannot miss her Monday class or her students will all drop out and become worthless bums… literally… they would be no where without her guidance i fear…

Man it is quiet here.. kind of boring. Everyone is napping. Last night was long… I should try and take a nap…

Tuesday is the big day WOOHOOO!!! YEAH BABY ELECTION 2004!!! the day when we find out if our war against the islamic religion will be sanctified. I heard not to long ago that the islamic community is looking at our election as either an admittance of error or a dogmatic stand behind our actions. I.E. IF Bush is re-elected it is no longer a technicality but a signature of full support from our people.

This brings about responses of course. I feel like we are at the edge of a great abyss.

Option 1: Kerry is elected, and the muslim community takes into account our ability to change. Hopefully Kerry will then extredite troops from Iraq asap. We will then hopefully turn our eyes inward and attempt to fix current problems without our state. Of course this will be marred by terrorist attacks to revenge our apparent disregard for iraq. Just think of all the children who’s fathers died at the hands of american “democracy” where freedom is on the march. They will of course want revenge and hopefully it will come in a flawed manner.

Option 2: Bush is elected and so begins a horrible descent into palestine/israel territory. What ever do i mean? I mean, that there will begin a tit for tat war between the muslim and the christian community. Muslims will take our action as condoning the current attrocities in Iraq, and Christians will have their racist views re-inforced by the savage ferocity of the muslim response to our own personal attrocities. -Excuse my language- but the pissing contest will begin and let the bigger/better/more godly religion survive.

What will happen in both methods? Atheists will die.

I’m sick… i feel like shit… I don’t even know what i’m suffering from…

– Serious vertigo
– everytime i move my eyes my consciousness is behind by a mile…
– serious weakness
– fucking scatterbrained schitzophrenia.. mind is racing…

i swear i’d say it were drugs but i haven’t a clue what the hell would have effected me because

i happen to be currently watching one of the strangest fucking movies in the world…

it covers.. god damnit i can’t type… forget it.. this is impossible.. maybe sleeping would be better…

i’m fucking tired… i’m in a state of consistent decay… last night was good.. problems seem to be averted… solutions are found.. objects are described… paper is getting interesting… sleep was nice… almost too nice difficult to get up this morning… words are poison darts of pleasure… jealousy runs abound…

hehe sometimes you should just never fucking translate a word…

franz ferdinand..
Ich heisse Super Fantastisch
Ich trinke Schampus mit Lachsfisch
Ich heisse Super Fantastisch.

translation:
I am called super Fantastisch
I drink Schampus with salmon fish
I hot super Fantastisch.

existential dilemma reconcidered.. i do not exist… this is thereby proven and accepted.. this is all creations of my imagination… i have no body… i can’t even imagine i’m simply programmed to do this… insane child…
Continue reading “you can’t feel my lips undress your eyes…”

NOR HAVE I WORKED ON MY PAPER! god damn the world for conspiring against me… procrastination… and world events…

Had a long conversation with Trey… was nice… aparently no one in the family is doing good.. Trey is not happy… Dad is not happy… I am not happy… but the world continues… and we see the sun raise every day don’t we…

I just took a shower… i’m about to hear about someone’s walk with wittgenstein… fun eh?

Good news is it is supposed to be inside a church i’ve never been to and the church is said to be gorgeous on the inside… been wanting to see it… supposed to be a little slice of architecture in Lafayette… i can’t wait….

hope it isn’t dissappointing…

absoluetly hellish… it was the longest most agonizing class i’ve been through.. the professor drones sometimes… and on this particular day he was bad…

oh well..

i’m wiped out now.. but i can’t sleep… i have to work on my paper some… yes nietzsche… must concentrate on nietzsche……..

i haven’t slept yet… and class is starting soon.. wow… should have slept..

Jon Stuart… wow.. after a day of being angry at the inability i see within the world for change i get a man with a lighthearted and yet very serious take on reality. The method of delivery is light-hearted while the subject matter is very serious.

First was the PBS show with Charlie Rose where Jon pontificated about strange things like politicians are monkeys throwing feces and that the media should not be saying, “thats what they (politicians and monkeys) do.” instead they should be stating that, “That is what they do, but still those are Bad Monkeys.”

bad metaphor but it worked in his context… one way metaphor… can’t go backwards

C-Span question and answer period… awesome… he is hillarious… and he makes me feel like the world isn’t that bad… one statement i like that he said…

“When bush says, “Let history judge if i’ve made a mistake.” is unfortunatly wrong. We don’t have the time to let history be the judge. We need to judge now because the reactions of the judgements are here and now. ”

beautiful statement. and i paraphrased because i’m horrible at quoting.. horrible.. so now i’m going to be making a recording of this on tape for my history proffessor…