January 2, 2005

just an update

Filed under: Entries — arglor @ 3:32 am

–If you see a word where the letter “n” has vanished, use your imagination… Mary’s laptop apparently is becoming Nless.–

To begin i’m in New Jersey… We arrived tuesday night and worked our way by public transportation from Laguardia to New Jersey. Took two hours and a perilous discussion in a subway station inside harlem. We rode a bus that was packed from the airport to a harlem subway station. It was inside the bus that i was forced to life several bags above my waist with one arm. This resulted in me straining the sorepart of my back tremendously. I hurt my back at work not to long ago. Well this made me hurt it even more. But i grimaced the pain away and bore with it throughout the rest of the trip home

I joke… the discussion was quite harmless. Just a man asking for directions. I did not know. Mary did not know. We just sat there like two very white very ignorant people on a subway bench with a middle-aged black man asking for directions. Of course i’m usually too open with people on the street, or so Mary tells me. If someone who is down on their luck asks for help, i usually either help or appologize with long explanations for why it is that i could not help at this moment. My reasoning? Because i’m white, semi-well-to-do, male, and attending college. these attributes mark me as an individual who by attribute similarities alone bears a sort of responsibility for a majority of the failings of our society.

Logical or not, i can’t change the way the world works right now, but if i can spare a few dollars or a few coins one moment the i will. It might be argued it is to ease my guilt… but that is bullshit. I feel just as guilty afterwards. The only thing it does is allow me to recogize that the problem still exists and needs to be rectified. This is my biggest drive toward politics btw… i want to change the system from within, because lord knows the masses sure as hell are not going to revolt against our system… the masses are too apathetic.

wow big digression… what was i talking about…

We switched from a subway to to the path train. Arrived home around 2:40.

So i woke up wednesday and Mary did some grading and i read watchman.. finished it thursday.

Thursday Mary woke up early from a bad dream. I finished watchman. We played LOTR Third Age together. It was fun.

Friday, New Years Eve. We went to a wilco concert. It was awesome. The first band that played had this screetching harpy for a lead singer. The music was great, but her voice was grating. At least the music was great until it decayed into a noisome bog, which it did regularly. Skiner kinney is the name? or Skater Kinney? Skelter Ketty? no fucking clue.

Then the flaming lips began. It was pretty good. They came out with a crew of people onto the stage. The scree behind them had opening statements like “Welcome, Tonight is going to be a great show and it will change your life… you will leave saying, Fuck yeah” and so on… the only thing i can really say about the flaming lips is that their stage show is wild. It had people inn animal costumes and women in just a cape and thong. Yes …. you could see the breasts jigglig from even the back of the auditorium. Madison Square gardens is huge, but still seems to have good seats no matter where you sit. Anyway i didn’t think their music was great, but it was’t bad either. Would like to listen to it outside of their live performance.

Wilco was awesome. They opened with their feedback song off of their newest album… iteresting if you ask me… It consists of simply feedback… The band played their music with minor commetary from the lead singer. The concert explained a lot of things about their new album. I think it is simply the creation of a man who is capturing his childhood. The concert had that feel… the lead singer was in P.J.s for christsakes.. There were images of different childish things all over…

Mary and I have reached the poit where i get on her nerves and vice versa. We argue about stupid shit all the time. In fact we were arguing in the concert every so often. When she told me that she wanted to kiss when the ball dropped i said, “we should just argue, because isn’t that more accurate?” Apparently it was only a funny statement in my head. She scowled horribly at me. I felt bad. Wilco anouced the dropping of the ball. On the screen replacing the images of children were images of the ball in timesquare. 11:59:23 was under the image. I looked at Mary. We kissed. It was a nice kiss. Then the night deteriorated. She drew detatched and we faught more.

I abanondoned any ideas of going anywhere afterwards, because i did not want to have the polite arguments anymore. You know, those arguments where you talk with pointed phrases. No real yelling, but sarcasim flyig amuck? Yeah those. It was a roller coaster all night. She would be very much in love and we would be hugging and kissing and then she would tell me my idea is absurd and we would degrade into rhetorical stances. The arguments were absurd. Can mathematical phrases become cliched? Is it wrong to apply sir to someone who is obviously older then me in a concert as respect? There were more but why bring up the past eh?

We went home after the concert and talked about it. It is not solved. It will happen again. We are both hard headed. I go out of my way to apply certain social curtasies to every connversation and get really wound up when others are careless about feelings. This makes me overanalyse the situation and work myself-internally- into a frenzy. Then for some stupid argument i’ll mis-direct the frustratio acquired earlier at some stupid thing. Or even worse and more readily, i’ll just not go out of my way to help that person later bearing a grudge. I really wish people thought about other people’s existence more.

I walk around this city and see people just ignoring the fact that there are people starving before them. We get home flip on our tv and say thats great.

The concert bothered me. They were all angry that bush won the election. Millions are dieing in Iraq because of Bush’s ignorance. I just look around and think of the comic the Watchmen. I think of the horror that one individual believed had to occur in order to change people’s perception. The murder of half of the individuals in New York just so little jimmy’s mom and dad could recogize the suffering of others. I see all these people angry at the loss of a presedency but recognize that they are also mislocating their anger. It could be directed more accurately in fixing the real problems. The fact that half of the U.S. is watching a flawed distortion of the news makes me more worried the bush’s election. Bush is an effect, look at the cause. Bitch and whine about who are sheep and who are sheperds…

That is also a phrase that is getting on my nerves. sheep and sheperds… It annoys the fuck out of me. Right-wing conservatives yelling the left are the sheep of Moore… while quoting O’Reily or whatever.

We are all sheep. And it is slaughter time… we are being slaughtered for our father’s and our grandfather’s sins. I wonder if the greeks ever thought that the world would end because of their mistakes? Did they live i fear of armageddon strictly from a god’s whim? Did they feel responsible for the problems that might arise? Is this not something new?

Could it be that humanity is simply so egotistical that we assume if the world is going to end it will be because of us and not for any other reason? No clue….

There is a tragedy occuring in South Aisia.

One Response to “just an update”

  1. mealymel Says:

    Slater Kinney. I’ve seen them before.