I’m sitting here pondering over statements made in the past and I am attempting to try and get some things together…. I talked to Mom today… it was a really good conversation…. I said a couple things that were bothering me and she just listened… it felt good… Real good in fact…

I’ve figured some things out…. first I need to get this Nietzsche paper done… second I need to get out of this apartment… third… I need to study for GRE… fourth I need to take the GRE… Fifth I need to setup a regiment where I get out of this house and do things for fun… Sixth I need to let go of some of the things I’m worrying about and realize that this is my life and I can either sit back and watch it perform the tasks necessary or I can yet again take up the reigns and have fun… it has been so long since I’ve had fun by myself..

I think that is why I don’t feel good…. I’ve been more concerned about what “will” happen then concerned about what is actually happening… interesting dilemma…

there is this hillarious shirt that i think Mary would like… in fact i think any DnD nerds would enjoy this shirt… hell i’m not even a DnD nerd and i think it is funny….

it says:
Jesus Saves
(and in small print)
the rest of you take damage…

funny.. get it? Jesus has a high dex so he doesn’t get hurt… oh its hillarious….

i just woke up from having crashed.. i was wiped out..now i’m groggy…. oggy.. foggy… sloggy.. bleh

— well, now, is there not some foundation for suspecting that all philosophers, insofar as they were dogmatists, have not known how to handle women? That the gruesome earnestness, the left handed obtrusiveness, with which they have usually approached truth have been unskilled and unseemly methods for prejudicing a woman in their favor?
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I love jon stewart… there is this snippet that was released on the internet of a cnn show called crossfire where jon stuart gives this very funny litany of what is wrong with their show. during the show there are choice words used by the individuals involved and even at one point, when it was pointed out that his show doesn’t do much better in referencing the problems with spinning and politics, he says, “if you want to compare your show to a comedy show then by all means go ahead but it isn’t my responsibility to ask the “hard questions” as it is your responsibility… later he said, ” the show that leads into my show are puppets doing crank phone calls… come on…” and even when he was told, “you should be in a journalism school”… stuart responded, “you apparently need to go to one”

the gist of the whole debacle was that jon stuart was angry that cnn was producing lies and rhetoric instead of the truth… and he says, “it hurts america…. stop hurting america” which was hillarious in and of itself.

i laughed… i cried… i can’t believe how good of a political motivator jon stuart is… its fucking hillarious…. comedy central has more of my respect then cnn right now…

I’m astounded by this… i’ll see if i can make copies for the relevant parties involved… i don’t think anyone should miss this… its hillarious…

Mary wanted to watch SNL tonight simultaneously. I called later then expected because i had to load some stuff on a boat and she was in her ‘writing’ phase. It means our date is off.

I guess theoretically it wasn’t a date.
I guess theoretically i wasn’t stood up.
I guess theoretically i’m free to do stuff i want to do…

false.. i can’t sleep… i tried.. but i can’t… ideas keep popping into my mind. horrible ideas…
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I did not mention that one of my mentors has cracked. This isn’t completely new. I enjoyed talking to him most because he was a physicist concerned with existential problems. He was unique from the begining because he was also taking a very liberal arts approach to the existential dillemma. In the end his search to answer the question took a dark turn.

I hate the fact that looking back at my past few interactions with him were interactions full of judgement and a lack of concern. I was selfishly motivated. Concerned primarily with my own search and neglecting his all-too obvious calls for assistance. What could i have done?

Now i find i have a distinct desire to get in touch with him to find out his story. So fucking typical, i know. I tend to only get interested in radicals when they actually destroy their lives to make their point heard. I tune my ears and try and listen. So what is his story?

Love vs Hate
Jump through the hoops….. they will make your stronger……
in the end i’m done…..

i’m tired.. nietzsche is pissing me off.. how can someon look around at humanity and say that pity murdered God. Fuck Nietzsche. It is that mentality that gives rise to such hatred. The belief that humanity should stand above it’s predecessors and embrace the dionysian side while redefining arbitrary and saying it doesn’t exist. It seems like Nietzsche believes he can define things in and out of existence. God? dead, negate the existence because he is an entity that evolves out of humanity, i.e. ubermensche. Morality as Arbitrary? no no no, morality isn’t arbitrary the world is arbitrary and therefore morality must be able to adapt!… ergo it becomes ARBITRARY!

fuck nieztsche and fuck people who like nieztsche… growl argh i’m in a bad fucking mood.

New components. I’m writing this because I’m in a very bad mood, and Nietzsche isn’t helping. Morality is designed out of the strong. Yesterday I was sitting in the hall in the library when I began running over evidence and belief itself. I was staring at a book that claimed morality is something that should take into account moral strength. In one word, it could be called social Darwinism. I began weighing the evidence for the herd mentality.

Current argument I’m supporting is that the average human is existentially concerned, or at least concerned enough about life to answer pseudo-existential questions.

Opposing viewpoints, the human community is not concerned with existential problems at large and therefore they wander around like zombies from stimuli to stimuli.
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Sometimes i love it. Self idignant anger. unappologetic.

pure.

snap