i could be insane…. i could be insane…

circles within circles… now the question is.. would it be better if he were insane? or would the world be better were he to interpret that he were insane and therefore his interpretations are all flawed due to his insanity?

a bad day has coalesced into a bad couple of days and is ongoing to create what seems like a bad blur of occurences…

when will it end? I don’t know…

i’m tired yet cannot sleep… the plane ride was not the best… was not the worst… i visited with mom and dad last night and it got me thinking about a lot of things…

i’ve gotten comfortable again… i knew this would happen… but hey there is a silver lining… i could be insane….. i could be insane…. i could be insane…
Continue reading “i could be insane…. i could be insane…”

hello

the day before yesterday i went into new york and watched the life aquatic with steve zissou… bad movie… boring and dry humour, so dry it slaps you in the face… i hated the acting… i hated the dialogue… i hated everything about it.

yesterday i saw Kinsey. Great movie. great ideas… great concepts. thoroughly enjoyed the film. I read some information before seeing the movie which gave me background to the movie… apparently a large portion of the film is accurate. i enjoyed the film and recommend it to everyone.

I was walking aroud yesterday, and it struck me how strange it feels to be in this city and not be a tourist. I mean i guess i am still a tourist but it is starting to feel like i’m more the just a tourist… it is odd..

Lord of the rings…

Mary and I have been playing Lord of the Rings: The Third Age. Apparently, and this was just learned by me, Boromir was cursed and seduced by Sauromon the white wizard. That is why he attacked poor frodo. It was because he was a plant by Sauroman.

Anyone else bothered about this little modification?

I hate it because it makes the ring out to be a lot weaker the originally made out to be. Now it can’t even turn a decent individual to the darkside without help. I liked the idea that The ring had enough power to turn boromir against his best wishes. It made Aragorn look that much stronger and morally sound. Now it just happens to be the case that Aragorn was hidden from the white wizard while Boromir was not.

pathetic.

p.s. mary and i are on good grounds… i think…

just an update

–If you see a word where the letter “n” has vanished, use your imagination… Mary’s laptop apparently is becoming Nless.–

To begin i’m in New Jersey… We arrived tuesday night and worked our way by public transportation from Laguardia to New Jersey. Took two hours and a perilous discussion in a subway station inside harlem. We rode a bus that was packed from the airport to a harlem subway station. It was inside the bus that i was forced to life several bags above my waist with one arm. This resulted in me straining the sorepart of my back tremendously. I hurt my back at work not to long ago. Well this made me hurt it even more. But i grimaced the pain away and bore with it throughout the rest of the trip home

I joke… the discussion was quite harmless. Just a man asking for directions. I did not know. Mary did not know. We just sat there like two very white very ignorant people on a subway bench with a middle-aged black man asking for directions. Of course i’m usually too open with people on the street, or so Mary tells me. If someone who is down on their luck asks for help, i usually either help or appologize with long explanations for why it is that i could not help at this moment. My reasoning? Because i’m white, semi-well-to-do, male, and attending college. these attributes mark me as an individual who by attribute similarities alone bears a sort of responsibility for a majority of the failings of our society.

Logical or not, i can’t change the way the world works right now, but if i can spare a few dollars or a few coins one moment the i will. It might be argued it is to ease my guilt… but that is bullshit. I feel just as guilty afterwards. The only thing it does is allow me to recogize that the problem still exists and needs to be rectified. This is my biggest drive toward politics btw… i want to change the system from within, because lord knows the masses sure as hell are not going to revolt against our system… the masses are too apathetic.

wow big digression… what was i talking about…

We switched from a subway to to the path train. Arrived home around 2:40.

So i woke up wednesday and Mary did some grading and i read watchman.. finished it thursday.

Thursday Mary woke up early from a bad dream. I finished watchman. We played LOTR Third Age together. It was fun.

Friday, New Years Eve. We went to a wilco concert. It was awesome. The first band that played had this screetching harpy for a lead singer. The music was great, but her voice was grating. At least the music was great until it decayed into a noisome bog, which it did regularly. Skiner kinney is the name? or Skater Kinney? Skelter Ketty? no fucking clue.

Then the flaming lips began. It was pretty good. They came out with a crew of people onto the stage. The scree behind them had opening statements like “Welcome, Tonight is going to be a great show and it will change your life… you will leave saying, Fuck yeah” and so on… the only thing i can really say about the flaming lips is that their stage show is wild. It had people inn animal costumes and women in just a cape and thong. Yes …. you could see the breasts jigglig from even the back of the auditorium. Madison Square gardens is huge, but still seems to have good seats no matter where you sit. Anyway i didn’t think their music was great, but it was’t bad either. Would like to listen to it outside of their live performance.

Wilco was awesome. They opened with their feedback song off of their newest album… iteresting if you ask me… It consists of simply feedback… The band played their music with minor commetary from the lead singer. The concert explained a lot of things about their new album. I think it is simply the creation of a man who is capturing his childhood. The concert had that feel… the lead singer was in P.J.s for christsakes.. There were images of different childish things all over…

Mary and I have reached the poit where i get on her nerves and vice versa. We argue about stupid shit all the time. In fact we were arguing in the concert every so often. When she told me that she wanted to kiss when the ball dropped i said, “we should just argue, because isn’t that more accurate?” Apparently it was only a funny statement in my head. She scowled horribly at me. I felt bad. Wilco anouced the dropping of the ball. On the screen replacing the images of children were images of the ball in timesquare. 11:59:23 was under the image. I looked at Mary. We kissed. It was a nice kiss. Then the night deteriorated. She drew detatched and we faught more.

I abanondoned any ideas of going anywhere afterwards, because i did not want to have the polite arguments anymore. You know, those arguments where you talk with pointed phrases. No real yelling, but sarcasim flyig amuck? Yeah those. It was a roller coaster all night. She would be very much in love and we would be hugging and kissing and then she would tell me my idea is absurd and we would degrade into rhetorical stances. The arguments were absurd. Can mathematical phrases become cliched? Is it wrong to apply sir to someone who is obviously older then me in a concert as respect? There were more but why bring up the past eh?

We went home after the concert and talked about it. It is not solved. It will happen again. We are both hard headed. I go out of my way to apply certain social curtasies to every connversation and get really wound up when others are careless about feelings. This makes me overanalyse the situation and work myself-internally- into a frenzy. Then for some stupid argument i’ll mis-direct the frustratio acquired earlier at some stupid thing. Or even worse and more readily, i’ll just not go out of my way to help that person later bearing a grudge. I really wish people thought about other people’s existence more.

I walk around this city and see people just ignoring the fact that there are people starving before them. We get home flip on our tv and say thats great.

The concert bothered me. They were all angry that bush won the election. Millions are dieing in Iraq because of Bush’s ignorance. I just look around and think of the comic the Watchmen. I think of the horror that one individual believed had to occur in order to change people’s perception. The murder of half of the individuals in New York just so little jimmy’s mom and dad could recogize the suffering of others. I see all these people angry at the loss of a presedency but recognize that they are also mislocating their anger. It could be directed more accurately in fixing the real problems. The fact that half of the U.S. is watching a flawed distortion of the news makes me more worried the bush’s election. Bush is an effect, look at the cause. Bitch and whine about who are sheep and who are sheperds…

That is also a phrase that is getting on my nerves. sheep and sheperds… It annoys the fuck out of me. Right-wing conservatives yelling the left are the sheep of Moore… while quoting O’Reily or whatever.

We are all sheep. And it is slaughter time… we are being slaughtered for our father’s and our grandfather’s sins. I wonder if the greeks ever thought that the world would end because of their mistakes? Did they live i fear of armageddon strictly from a god’s whim? Did they feel responsible for the problems that might arise? Is this not something new?

Could it be that humanity is simply so egotistical that we assume if the world is going to end it will be because of us and not for any other reason? No clue….

There is a tragedy occuring in South Aisia.

merry christmas

belated that is… i just woke up from a long stint of time wit Mary… I’m a little groggy…. i don’t remember everything that went on… but i do remember being deleriously happy.

I spent the christmas eve’s eve at my parents house enjoying both their company and Mary’s… then we spent the night in my old highschool bedroom… it was interesting… woke up and santa had been through interestingly enough…. i had given mary a bracelet the night before with an engraving of the auspicious drawing.. which means infinite love and infinite wisdom.

the bracelet resembles the links of chain and threads of silver bound by elven hands… i joke not… it really looks mythological…

all the same.. she has in fact gotten me a secret gift, and the world of warcraft video game COLLECTOR’S EDITION!!! SHE RULES!!!

seriously, she bent over backwards to get this, they made only 75,000 which sounds like a lot except that they had sold out several weeks ago. The only method of getting it is through ebay and she didn’t spend much money to get it or so she claims. apparently she is ebay savvy…

My parents got me this awesome digital camera. Here is the thing, this gift surprised the hell out of me. My parents spent way to much money on this gift. It can take actual movie film.. the camera rules…

i’m done with my tirade of gift recounting… all i can say is that so far my christmas break has been delightfully special…

funny funny…

Hillarious. The governor of illinois bantered on about his website geared to ban violent games in Illinois and when releasing the url he said .com instead of .org. Funny funny… just so happened there was a .com website talking about, you guessed it, how sorry it is that the governor decides to regulate the pruchases of individuals by blanket bans.

Among the games listed, interesting enough is a little book.

That book’s title is 1984.

hmmm interesting…

The Globe and Mail

Rutgers researchers may have stopped HIV

Associated Press

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Piscataway, N.J. — Researchers at Rutgers University have developed a trio of drugs they believe can destroy HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, according to a published report.

here is a newsbit i found out for myself… not philosophical…

i say i found out myself.. i mean to say i found on the web on one of my many sites i visit on a regular basis…

Ever read a book called Earthsea? Ursula Le Guin wrote the novel. Apparently Sci Fi was producing a movie/tv thing and she has officially disowned it.
This is her sentiments:
“Having looked over the script, I realised they had no understanding of what the two books are about, and no interest in finding out. All they intended was to use the name Earthsea, and some of the scenes from the books, in a generic MacMagic movie with a meaningless plot based on sex and violence. (And “faith” — according to Mr Halmi. Faith in what? Who knows? Who cares?)”

Awesome if you ask me. When will hollywood learn. Never because people will still shell out the money to see this stuff and writers will always claim their ideas have been raped on the silver screen. It is a vicious cycle.

Why did i feel you need to know this since i don’t care about earthsea or it’s demonspawn? I point this at Trey who told me that this would be a great movie/tv thing almost comparative to Dune. I said wow.. hope it is good. my hope was wasted..

Tomorrow Mary comes over.. i’m staying awake to help wake her sexy ass up so she can catch the plane… don’t want her missing the plane… i figure we can sleep in each other’s arms after she comes here… too much info i know…

hahahahaha

SO THEY ARE NOT JUST UNETHICAL, they know they are unethical…

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Posted, December 17, 2004

Journalists: More Ethical than People Realize?

Gallup finds journalists not trusted, but research indicates some highly developed moral reasoning.

By Kelly McBride (more by author)

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The American public thinks journalists are ethically challenged, according to a Gallup Poll. Yet another study shows journalists have highly developed abilities when it comes to moral reasoning. What gives?

First the studies. The American public doesn’t trust reporters. This according to Gallup’s most recent poll rating of perceived honesty among certain professions. Less than 25 percent of the people who responded the survey rated reporters’ ethical standards as high or very high.

This is really nothing new. Frank Newport, the editor-in-chief of The Gallup Poll, points out that journalists have been rated low since his organization began asking this question in 1974.

The numbers have bounced around, all the way down to 16 percent in 2000 and as high as 33 percent in 1976.

But for the most part, according to Newport, the conclusion has been the same: “Americans are suspicious of the news media.”

Other Gallup studies suggest this distrust is greater among people who are politically moderate and conservative, he said.

The Gallup poll stands in contrast to another study that suggests that journalists have higher than average abilities when it comes to moral reasoning.

Journalism professors Renita Coleman of Louisiana State University and Lee Wilkins of the University of Missouri set out to test the moral development of a large group of journalists.

They gathered a sample of 249 reporters from print and broadcast newsrooms across the country, and discovered that journalists look pretty good on Kohlberg’s moral development scale. As a whole, journalists rank fourth among the ranked groups, behind seminarians, physicians, and medical students.

Published in the Autumn, 2004 issue of Journalism and Mass Communications Quarterly, the journal of the AEJMC, the study is not yet available online.

Coleman and Wilkins also found:

No significant differences between men and women, broadcast and print or managers and non-managers.
The more autonomy a journalist reported, the higher his or her score.
The more highly journalists rated the importance of laws and rules, the lower their scores. (Some researchers suggest a strong deference to the law indicates rule obedience, rather than critical thinking.)
Journalists who do investigative work tend to display higher levels of moral reasoning.
Journalists who said civic journalism was part of their work also had higher scores.
Journalists were particularly adept at thinking through the ethical dimensions of journalism problems. (Which discounts the theory that journalists can apply moral thinking to others but not to themselves.)

Wilkins and Coleman point out that this study does not predict what journalists will do when confronted with a real-life ethical decision. In fact, other researchers have documented a disconnect between beliefs and practice in a number of fields and settings.

Newport, the Gallup editor, points out another gap: the one between perception and reality. “Perception is as important as reality,” he says. “Regardless of reality, if readers and viewers are suspicious of journalists they are going to treat what they write with skepticism.”

And it’s not as if we haven’t handed the public some reasons to distrust us. Journalism’s recent shame includes circulation scandals at the Dallas Morning News, Newsday and Hoy; plagiarism and fabrications scandals at The New York Times and USA Today; and such shoddy reporting on big issues as the CBS pursuit of President Bush’s National Guard records.

If you look at the two studies and all the recent scandals as sections of a puzzle that somehow fit together, the trick is to find the missing pieces.

Here are a couple possibilities:

The assembly line nature of putting out a newspaper or producing television news is a process built on production, not the values of journalism. It encourages speed and volume, rather than reflection. Often, when we want to think about the values that underpin our work, we have to deliberately stop the process and step back. Many journalists are good at doing this, but they do so in spite of the nature of the work. Some newsroom leaders have been successful at infusing values into the routine, making sure new hires get a decent orientation, building time for questions into the daily or weekly schedule and deliberately connecting decisions to values. But they are the exceptions.

Newsroom culture can contribute to sound and unsound ethical reasoning. In some newsrooms employees are encouraged to challenge authority, collaborate on decisions and seek contrarian voices. On the other hand, in the wake of the ethical failures at The New York Times and USA Today, investigative reports described a climate of fear in both newsrooms. Newsroom staffers expressed fear of questioning their bosses and peers about ethically suspect practices and behavior.

Economic pressures can interfere with journalists’ efforts to live up to their professional ideals. Staff cutbacks and the pressure to reach new audiences have combined as a sort-of one-two punch.

Coleman and Wilkins point out that the current collision of values in the newsroom could represent an opportunity for journalists to rethink how they do their jobs. As technology provides new opportunities for delivering different kinds of news, the systems of gathering information will also change, possibly for the better.

Kohlberg argued that wrestling with especially vexing problems presents individuals with a chance to develop more sophisticated coping skills and move to a higher stage of moral behavior.

Kohlberg theorized that, from infancy, most people climb a ladder of moral development with six stages. At the bottom is the childlike obedience stage, where morality is viewed as an external force. (You do what you’re told, as you’re being told).

At the second stage, called individualism, morality is relative. (What’s right for me might be wrong for you.)

The third stage is characterized by good personal relationships (live up to others’ expectations) and the fourth stage of social order (do what’s right for the group) is characteristic of teenagers and young adults.

In the fifth stage, called social contract/individual rights, a person strives to improve upon the social order, rather than just maintain it. In the sixth stage, universal principles, an individual seeks just solutions based on accepted values.

Journalism frequently operates at stage four and sometimes at stage five. In most decisions, we base our values on the current community standards. (We usually don’t show images of dead Americans because our audience considers it disrespectful.) But on some stories journalists have managed to move up to stage five, as many newsrooms did in the course of covering Civil Rights and the Vietnam War.

It could be that ongoing changes in newsrooms will eventually force us to see the work we do in a different light, elevating our core values above the pressures of profit and competition.

Functioning as a good journalist takes more than the ability to focus a camera or turn a phrase. The profession requires sophisticated moral reflection. The Wilkins-Coleman study shows that individually, journalists have the ability.

What do you think stops journalists from infusing more of their ethics into their work?

CORRECTION: This updated version of the article corrects findings about the moral reasoning of investigative reporters and clarifies some elements of Kohlberg’s moral development scale. (Dec. 17, 2004)

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http://www.poynter.org/content/content_view.asp?id=75962